


he hopes it doesn't hurt.

by PoisonousSpikyFruit



Series: platonic oumeno drabbles [1]
Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bittersweet, Bittersweet Ending, Conversations, Gen, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 11:27:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19767238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoisonousSpikyFruit/pseuds/PoisonousSpikyFruit
Summary: then neither of them says anything else. if they were to keep talking, what would they say? what would they talk about? death? their friends? laughable. it's ironic that the first time they're ever able to connect it's over something like this but kokichi has nothing else to say and neither does himiko.---it's a coincidence that himiko and kokichi end up on the same roof at the same time to do the same thing, but nonetheless, here they are.





	he hopes it doesn't hurt.

**Author's Note:**

> tw: suicide discussed at length. take care of urself.

kokichi stares down at the street, watches the cars drive by. they're awfully loud, he's unused to this. but then again, hundreds of feet up above the world, what exactly is he supposed to be used to?

"i didn't really think someone else would be here." he mumbles over his shoulder, half expecting for his words to go unheard. they generally do, after all, but perhaps there is something about bearing witness to one's darkest moments that gives a pair of closed lips the urge to open.

"me either." himiko takes a knee, scoops a piece of gravel off the ground and when she's standing again kokichi extends a hand, turns his palm up to face the sky like he's waiting for a gift from god. thin pale fingers brush each other as she drops the small rock into the center of his hand, watches him turn and fling it off into the street. "i can't say anything though."

"no," kokichi intones, feels himself smile, but it doesn't come easy like it always does. it feels rather thin, actually. it's hard to lie to someone who's here for the same reason as he is. there's a sort of undeniable camaraderie about it and as much as he'd rather just not acknowledge it and instead make an insensitive joke about the stupidity of the situation, he finds himself unable to turn his back on it entirely. "i can't either though, so maybe it's okay."

"okay is a stupid word. i hate it." himiko says this like somebody might comment on the weather; it's the aversion of red-brown eyes that tells kokichi she doesn't like feeling vulnerable. he doesn't either. but himiko is used to talking about these things, he imagines. "it's obvious nothing is right now or we wouldn't be up here."

at this kokichi shrugs. "i might still be. if i really am doing this for attention."

"oh, maybe." himiko shrugs too, lifts another pebble from the ground, and obligingly kokichi throws it over. "but maybe things wouldn't suck so bad if i did get a little attention here and there." pause. "not... that it matters anymore."

"it doesn't." kokichi agrees, and himiko hands him the last pebble, so he tosses it. her short fingernails scratch against the surface of the roof but her fingers don't close over anything else. instead she stands, dusts herself off, walks over to the edge and peers over. like kokichi did a moment ago, he notes.

she's not dressed very nicely considering that this is the last thing she'll ever put on of her on volition. a grey sweatshirt, leggings, her strange brown boots. she's a lot shorter without her hat, appears almost meek standing in front of kokichi now. not that he's taller, or anything. and he's not dressed well either. a black shirt and jeans felt fitting, but he didn't think about it putting them on. his scarf is still in his room, atop an envelope with a name on it, so his neck is cold. not the best thing to wear but he figures if there was ever a time to slack off...

besides, it seems fitting that even something that's been there for him all this time like his scarf would abandon him before he dies.

"does tenko know?" he asks idly, steps up next to himiko, and she barely glances at him when she shakes her head.

"she will." a pause, then, "shuichi?"

"of course not." kokichi laughs. "after what happened with ryoma? he wouldn't let me out of his sight if he knew."

"mm. i hope he turns out okay." himiko runs a hand through her hair and kokichi sees pale fingers dancing through a sea of blood, tangling within the depths. her hair isn't quite the same shade, though. "is it even possible to hope for things right now?"

"now more than ever," kokichi muses, kicking at the ground. "since it'll all be over soon."

"i'm glad." the redhead sighs then, a small smile appearing on her face. "i've been so tired of everything but... now it'll actually be over. thank god."

when she says it that way it somehow adds to the stifling melancholy surrounding them, gives their words an air of finality. in less than five minutes kokichi ouma and himiko yumeno will no longer exist. it feels like an ending. it is an ending. and that kind of makes him... sad.

but he can't deny he's relieved, too.

"i hope they don't miss me." kokichi startles himself with the honesty, realises that maybe since he's about to die there's no reason to lie anymore. he's got nothing left to hide, not from himiko. "i mean... they won't. they have no reason to. but i hope they don't anyway."

himiko pauses. "they will. there's plenty reason to miss you." and kokichi wants to ask what she means but she keeps talking. "i hope tenko doesn't blame herself."

"she will." maybe it's only because himiko told him he'd be missed, he feels inclined to do the same. "you know she'll never be able to think about magic again without bursting into tears."

"she'll power through." himiko murmurs. "she'll have to."

"yeah."

then neither of them says anything else. if they were to keep talking, what would they say? what would they talk about? death? their friends? laughable. it's ironic that the first time they're ever able to connect it's over something like this but kokichi has nothing else to say and neither does himiko.

he hopes it doesn't hurt.

she moves first, he thinks. she steps forward and puts a foot on the very edge, brings her other foot up too. kokichi follows but slowly, watching her. his mind feels sluggish. for some reason her movements are square blocks in circle holes. feels wrong. but he can't say anything, he's here too, isn't he?

himiko lifts her arms out to the side and kokichi thinks she looks like an angel. one foot goes out in front of her and she begins to fall forward.

something takes over him and he feels soft fabric under his hand, the sharp pain of the roof hitting the back of his head, a small body landing in the center of his chest. breaths are laboured, heartbeats synch, and fingers dig tighter into an arm.

she stutters, "y-you-"

"i know. i'm sorry. i'm a hypocrite." kokichi blurts, but she doesn't pull away from him where they're lying on the ground in a tangle of limbs. "i just- i couldn't-"

"i wanted to be stopped." himiko interrupts quietly. "i didn't- i didn't really-" kokichi can't see her face but he can feel her breath hitching and her shoulders shaking. "i just- it all feels so..."

"hopeless. overwhelming. painful." kokichi offers, and she sniffles. "me too, me too, me too."

"i'm-" himiko chokes, then turns around and throws arms around him, face burying in his chest. kokichi holds tight to her too, because he finds himself unable to do much else. "i'm sorry. thank you. i'm sorry."

"no, no, no, no," kokichi tries objecting but himiko shakes her head, hair messing and tears making his shirt wet. he doesn't care, he barely feels anything but his own emotions and the tightness of her arms around him.

purple eyes close and he leans closer, wishing for all the pain to dissolve back into nothing as it should stay. it doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't, but himiko is warm at least and she feels it too, doesn't she?

kokichi forgets everything else but her and how they're alive, how he didn't choose to live but apparently they will anyway, and when the door to the roof slams open and tenko's voice cries out to them, shuichi's voice joining it, he ignores them in favour of holding himiko tighter.

they can wait, can't they?

**Author's Note:**

> sorry this isn't the kind of thing I'd post on my main because it's,, a rea hardcore vent so I decided to just put it here? y'all,,
> 
> anyway yeah this drabble was pretty intense sorry dbdjsjs but they decided to live so
> 
> and again this is a vent so if characterisation is funky,, sorry
> 
> hey also :^) I'm fine alright just having some rough and tough times over here. hope y'all are doing well.
> 
> comment if you'd like 💕
> 
> https://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines


End file.
